Subha Manoj

While I Was Away

Subha Manoj

2012 Highlights: Relationships too sometimes come with an expiry date


Being a single child, I have grown up on a steady flow of friends. They fulfilled all that which the lack of siblings did for me. I guess that is why I value friendships like something sacred. I still continue my friendship with a few people who have been with me since my kindergarten days! And there are some who have come into my life just recently but I know I have a past life connection with them.

The year 2012 made me come out of my safe cocoon and move away from a few ‘friends’ (or I thought so). And it was not easy in any way. I was hurt and I bled for many months. It was drastic for me to even consider the chance of friends turning foes in a matter of minutes or days.

I spoke to my close friends hoping to find a closure, but sadly it never happened. The only way I could help myself was…well, by helping MYSELF. I gave myself time, analysed, read books and coincidentally came across apt words at the right moment.

The first stint of a good friend moving away from me started in late 2011, when I lost my father. I found it weird that she refused to ever speak about the feeling of ‘loss’ I was experiencing. It went to an extent that she very insensitively made casual talk when I spoke about my father! I felt cheated and run over. This continued into early 2012, and a few more episodes made me slide away from her slowly but surely.

I really do not intend to write about the other people who too parted ways in their sour way in 2012. The crux is that I was left wondering what the hell happened here? Was I wrong somewhere? Was it a mistake? My mistake…or theirs? I was left questioning friendships in my life.

So let me just write what I understood or rather made myself understand.

What happens?
1. People sometimes do not know how to handle some one else’s grief. Some feel if they move away from the person, the grief won’t affect them. Some feel that if they keep in touch, it is like inviting negative energy…so they move away. And some are just insensitive. Either of these persons in your life are not worth it. Because friends do not behave like this. Period.

2. Priorities change. People move away because either or both feel that the other does not match the plane they are in, anymore. And thus, they want new people in their life. This is good. This way friendships don’t stale and people don’t ‘linger’ in your life. These people may re-enter in your life. It has happened to me, and I was more than happy to have them back. I genuinely felt that they looked upon getting me back in their life. I have not been wrong.

3. People mess up…big time. They mess up for wrong reasons, at the wrong time and wrong place. Wrong reactions, words, expressions…et al. There is no explanation to it.

What do you do?
1. Give yourself time. There is no healer like time. Meanwhile nourish yourself with the other lovely friends you have in your life.

2. Question the other person, speak your heart out and move on.
This does not specifically apply to me. I did not question the friend who hurt me the most in 2012. The reason: I felt she had fallen way below the level of mutual discussion. I did not want to hurt myself more and also, my self respect warned me against speaking to her. I preferred moving on.

3. I came across a rightly timed quote. It goes like this,

“Sometimes people come into our life for a purpose. The purpose is to teach you how to let go. They leave, you learn and then you move on.” 

It is a very simple quote, but quite meaningful. It explains everything in a few words.

Let me finish this post with something I loved reading:

6 Replies to “2012 Highlights: Relationships too sometimes come with an expiry date”

  • 🙂 I don't know what to say ! You say it so perfectly, not one word less or more. I can relate to whatever you said word to word. And I have started to believe in investing time in building meaningful, quality relationships. Of course there can be other people in everyone's life, but having those really good friends in one's life is undoubtedly, absolutely essential.

  • There's something my parents always tell me…..if not at any time, at a time of grief always lend a ear and a few kind words to a friend/acquaintance.

  • Very well written Subha!! Some friendship/relationship do come with an expiry date but yes we do learn something from it also… Keep writing and take it to the next level !!!

  • Well written Subha, as always. My father always says that there are two occasions one must never delay to show one's solidarity towards one's friend…this is at the birth of a child, and at the death of a loved one. And of course when you laugh the world laughs with you but the one who will cry with you when you cry, is the real friend 🙂

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