Subha Manoj

While I Was Away

Subha Manoj

A 1 inch gecko vs 5’2″ me !!!!

This is my first public proclamation of my fear of lizards. So, please excuse if you find the post disturbing. (Something tells me you will be laughing your @$$ off.) Anyway….

Last evening while I was peacefully having chips, A comes and says coolly, “Amma, see a baby lizard.” And strangely started dancing, while I nearly choked on a small chip and N stood frozen. She was licking honey out of a bowl, but stopped there and then. 
Now, according my husband I have put an extra chromosome in our kids. It is called ‘lizard phobia’ chromosome  I don’t even want to know the official name for it…yikes! But I disagree to agree. Forget about getting scared, A is fascinated by it. I think he is more fascinated by the fact that I get frozen at the sight of a lizard. But, I have to admit that N is my daughter completely when it comes to this topic. She will make the weirdest of the scared faces and while I am busy getting scared, I am sorry to say I want to laugh my gut out looking at her. What her expressions do to A cannot be expressed in words.  
I sincerely wish she gets a husband like mine, who comes as a knight in shining armour to save her from a gecko. M is the official lizard remover of our house. Honestly, he does not have an option. With me shivering and unable to move from a corner, he has to step in to save our home. I have even told him (as a consolation) that every time he removes a lizard, I fall in love with him a wee bit more. 
Coming back to last evening. The next thing I did was the obvious. I don’t know what you are thinking, but what I did was call M. He cut my call (as usual). I called him again and then again. He finally picked up. 
“What is it?”
“Manu, have you started for home? You need to be back home right now!” 
“Why???! Are the kids okay?”
“Yes, they are. (As if I cannot take care of kids) There is a lizard in the house.”
“I am in a meeting. What do you want me to do? Tell my boss that I have a lizard in my house and I need to go back home to drive it out??”
“Yes. You have to. This is an emergency.”
“Is it big?”
“No, it is tiny. Just an inch long.”
“Deal with it. Bye. It is just 5:45. I will be home by 7.”
“What???!!! 7, but…..”
The phone was disconnected. 
I turned dejected wondering what I am going to do now, and I saw A standing with a broom in his hand, waving ferociously at the tiny gecko. By now, it was upside down on the ceiling. It completely freaks me how this creature does this! N, on the other hand had the spoon stuck in her mouth and eyes staring at the lizard without blinking. 
“What on the earth do you think are you doing???!”
“Amma, you don’t worry. I will remove it.”
“You will?” (in a hopelessly ‘save me’ tone)
“Yes” And he was about shove the broom hard on the ceiling. 
“Wait wait! What if it falls down?”
“If it falls, it falls. Then it  might get crushed or even die. Then you can easily put it on a paper and throw it”
“Whaaaaat! No!! Leave the broom right now!”
A shrugged his shoulders and went back to playing a game on the iPad. 
In 5 minutes, the lizard was on the floor. Now it was getting too much. The fighter in me got awakened and I took couple of deep breaths. With a broom and a dust pan in hand, I gently swayed the lizard into the pan and asked A to open the window. I threw it out, shook the pan and broom a hundred times and went back to doubly check the floor and the mat. All clear! Yoo hooo!!!
I finally went to freshen up. When I came out of the room to see what the kids are upto, I saw them reading a book. As I turned, there it was!! 
A tiny head peeping from behind the Buddha painting on the wall. What the #$#$! It cannot be happening! Did I not throw it out?
I again did the obvious.Call M. His ROFL-ing did nothing to my state of mind. 
Usually, a good wife waits with a cup of tea and hot pakoras when the tired husband comes back from work. Here I was standing with a broom and a dust pan. 
M skillfully put the tiny thing on the dust pan and threw it out.
“That poor thing was more scared than you.” M said. 
I didn’t care. I was all puffed up with pride for my darling husband. N did the next best thing. She announced, “Papa…strong boy!”
Yeah, indeed 🙂

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