Subha Manoj

While I Was Away

Subha Manoj

My relationship with God starts…

I consider myself as one of those lucky ones who has felt the true presence of God in her life. All throughout my student life, I have always been a blind follower of Godly practices. I have just absorbed what my father did or asked me to, and I simply did it. Maybe that’s why I never felt close to Him. The knocking came when I underwent a personal crisis after my MBA days. I had been a deep mess in every way possible. In spite of being a topper in my MBA, I could not get a placement. I had been in a personal relationship mess in which a major part of mine told me that the guy was wrong, but somehow I wasn’t able to pull myself out of it. My parents used to go for work and the entire day would be spent getting too upset and crying. I would keep asking God why had all this happened to me, and why He wasn’t listening to my crying?
That is when one night while I was sleeping I felt a whole lot of creepy and ugly creatures surrounding me, and there I was squirming and sitting coiled. Just then my room’s door opened, and a beautiful lady in white came into my room. Her very entry made all those creatures to simply vanish. She same up to me and asked me to sit straight. She looked into my eyes and said, “Look around you, you have made such a mess in your room. Look at all these papers strewn around you. Why can’t you make some efforts to clean up your room? Throw away all these unwanted things around, and keep all the important things carefully in some place.”
I woke up with a start and was scared as well as relieved. The dream seemed so real. I had actually felt all those creatures on my body and then the cool yet warm presence of divinity was too good to be true! I kept thinking of the dream and I remember crying and being thankful for the dream. I woke up the next day, and told my father about my dream. Seeing the tears in my eyes, he said, “Think about your dream, maybe you could learn something from it.”
After my parents left for work, I sat and kept thinking of the dream. I slowly realised that all those creatures were the problems in my life. They were eating away my happiness, and I was letting them gorge on me. The Goddess came to tell me that I have made a mess of my life. I had too many unimportant people and issues strewn all over my life. I was being asked to clean up my life, gather the important things and throw away all the unwanted things.
All the while I kept thinking that God was not listening to me, and how wrong I was. He gave me so many chances to make me believe His presence, but when I did not realise it, He himself came in the form of divinity to me. He showed me that He has been listening all the while and ultimately I would have to act upon my life.
In the next few weeks, I broke up with the guy, got a job and a few months later got engaged to my husband. It couldn’t have been better….

My relationship with God continues….
I guess marriage made me believe in the presence of a divine power more. Immediately after moving to Pune after marriage, my husband and I had been to a shopping spree, and walking by an art store, I saw a sculpted painting of Lord Balaji. “That’s beautiful! I would want to have it when we have our own house.” I told my husband. A few months later, we booked our own house. The inner structure of the house was almost done, and one day, pointing to one of the bare cemented walls, I said, “See, that’s the wall where I want Balaji’s painting.” One year down the line, we moved in to our new house. It was beautiful and somehow I forgot about the painting.
One day at work, one of my colleagues told me that her family Guru is in town, and he is a great meditator, and future teller. I got interested and invited him home. The moment he started meditating, he pointed to the very same wall, and said that we should have a picture of Lord Balaji there. He also said that there is a strong presence of Lord Balaji in my life. I felt so humbled and pleasantly surprised that I had no words to express myself.
The very next day, we went to the same shop, and all the while I kept thinking, “Its been over a year now, its highly impossible that the same painting would be available in that shop.” Imagine my happiness and surprise, when we saw the same painting in that shop. The owner told us that her daughter does all the art work, and she would be happy to make a new one for us.
The painting still adores the very same wall….Today, we are planning to move to a new house, but one thing remains, Lord Balaji will always adore the most important wall in the new house as well.

Lord Balaji in my car….
We bought a car last year, and I obviously learnt it. Being a new at driving the car, I used to avoid certain roads which I was not too confident about. But as luck would have it, I had to take the car once through a road with a deep slope. I was the coming up the slope, and got stuck in a traffic jam. My son was sitting next to me, and I did not want him to feel the tension within me. I was not too good at driving against the slope, and there were too many vehicles around me. I kept talking to my son, but from inside I was absolutely low on confidence. The traffic signal turned green, and the vehicles ahead of me started to move, and no matter what I did, the car kept moving back, instead of ahead. I kept applying sharp brakes to avoid the vehicles around me. The number of people staring at me, and shouting at me did not help at all! I just looked at the small idol of Lord Balaji fitted in my car, and said a small prayer, amidst the tears brimming in my eyes.
Amongst all the swearing people and honking vehicles, suddenly a man came up to me, and stood next to the window. He asked me whether I would like him to help me out. I immediately said a yes and stepped out of the car. He took my car safely out of the crowd, and I heaved a sigh of relief. In the middle of all the chaos, I did not even notice from where did he emerge and where he went off, but I like to believe that Lord Balaji came along. I said a sincere thanks and prayer from my heart ….and that always continues.

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