3 advices from my dad that got me this far…and more

My dad and I never had the conventionally awesome relationship when he was alive. The problem, now I realize, was not that we were different, (Oh! we definitely were!) but the fact that we had the same strengths. Today, when he is not in my life physically, I tend to look back and introspect the ways he value-added my life.

My father and I were not the types who would sit and chat everyday. Rather, we hardly spoke. It was painful, to be honest, to see my friends having their daughter-daddy moments. As a child I yearned for those moments in my life too. But after a point of time, I accepted that my dad is well….the person he is, and I cannot do anything much about it.

In the past 31 years I spent my life with him, apart from the many differences and unlimited arguments we had, I have gathered 3 specific suggestions or advice he gave me at the most important junctures of my life. And those pearls of wisdom remain with me always.

(To set the path straight, with just right amount of light and a clear road, there comes a few words, which leads you…just right)

As life goes on, I have created a mental treasure box, in which I accumulate all the big and small learnings made from books I read, learned people, my mistakes and others’ mistakes. What my father told me also got quietly added to this treasure box.

This post is about sharing those 3 pieces of advice with you all. Hope you can apply any or all of them in your life.

ADVICE NO. 1:

What: Accept people the way they are, and don’t try to change them. Lessen your expectations.
When: Just before the day of my wedding, when he and I took a trip to the famous Guruvayur Krishna Temple. We were in a bus, and I was sitting next to a window, and he next to me.
Why: This advice came at a point of time, when my life was ‘actually’ starting. I was finally on my own. My dad knew that I will begin to meet and deal with people as Subha, and not as Mr. Vasudhevan’s daughter. It would be my words, my mouth, my actions, my reactions and my repercussions.
How it has helped: It made me uncomplicated. I am more flexible and it is not difficult to deal with me for people. It helps me to be more accepting and forgiving. When I look back, there have been situations, when I would have reacted rather not-so-nice-and-then-regretted-later if I had not got this advice from my dad. It has helped me have hassle-free and lasting friendships and relationships.

ADVICE NO. 2:

What: Buy your first house before you have your first child.
When: 4 months into my marriage.
Why: Mobile phones fancy had not yet caught up and my parents used to call us on our land-line and never on our cell phones. And most of the times, when M and I would not be at work, we would be out, obviously spending money. My dad, built his first house in Kerala on an inherited piece of land when I was around 10, I guess. And then the next apartment he bought in Delhi was when I was 20. He never stayed in the Kerala house. So basically he started staying in his own house when I was 20 years old! Till then, it was moving from one rented house to another. I guess, he did not want that to happen to M and I.
How it helped: It helped us save money, regulate our expenses, manage taxes and have a house of our own before I got pregnant with A. 🙂

ADVICE No. 3:


What: If you want perfection, do it yourself. If it is getting too much, get help. And if you get help, then don’t expect perfection.
When: Just after A was born, the entire gamut of responsibilities was making me go haywire. I was shouting at and blaming every person possible for things being unsettled, unorganized and crazy!
Why: My dad knew that I was (and still am) a perfectionist, just like him. There is a certain way I like my home and its running, and it was just not happening. I really needed help, but was scared that it will hamper everything.
How it helped: As a home-maker, I learnt to let go of certain chores which made my life easier. It taught me to handle my house-help a lot better and find time for things which I wanted to do, in spite of having kids and additional responsibilities.

How do I end this post. Well, how about by just saying…Thank you Dad….