I have been outsmarted.

I have been proved wrong…by myself! After a long weekend of 4 days, when last Wednesday I kept N’s lunch bag in her bag, I noticed her alphabet practice workbook. I casually took it out and to my utter dismay found that the self proclaimed awesome mother has not helped her daughter with homework since 20/12/2013 !!!!!! The many pages had a not-so-discreet ‘?’ written. I just felt like becoming invisible.

What else could I do now? I couldn’t have sent the workbook yet again. So, I kept it aside promising myself that I would help my 3.5 year old complete about 7-8 worksheets at one go, later that evening. Bad mommy! 
Anyway, after my little girl came back after her play time, we sat with her box of colours and worksheets. A had nothing much to do, so he joined the ‘project work’ too. I was cooking alongside, and had to keep checking on the food. Atlast, A said, “Could you please do one thing at a time?” (Yeah…my son said that to me.) I just looked at him, and he further added, “It’s ok. You cook, I will teach her.” (Yeah…my son said that too to me.)

(When I peeped from the kitchen, the scene was this ^^)
After ten minutes, the output was this:

Yup! All done. This was the last worksheet. 
I heard N asking A, “Are you my maam?”
In response, I heard A telling N, “Will you stop talking and do your homework? There is more to do. Now keep quiet.”

I guess, my work is done here. 

One more reason to add to my kitty of “More reasons to have 2 kids”. Thank God, I say!

The Grandeur of Grand-Parenting – Blogathon – Post 10

11th August 2013

I am
the product of multi parenting. Apart from my parents, my grandparents, especially
my grandmother has a big role in what I am and the way I think. I am indebted
to her for many lives to come, for the values and good thinking she gave me.
Today,
my mother also lives with me. And I am able to see changes in my children. Some
are great, some good, some ok, and some well…let’s just say, could have been
missed.
If
your child/children are being multi parented too, then here are some
perspectives which is worth going through.
Let’s
keep the math very simple.

Pluses:
  • They
    are more experienced, so they definitely know a little better: I have seen some
    great moves being given by my mother when one or both my kids get in
    mother-of-all moods. Honestly, she can handle them better during those times.
  • They
    can tell a lot more stories in a much better way than you do: This holds true
    in my case. Let’s face it. I am a good mother, but I am a bad bed time story
    teller. I really wish I could catch up on some TV while they sleep on their
    own. (Sheepish grin!)
  • They
    definitely can pamper them better: Come on. Do admit, a little pampering has
    never done harm to any child. Even we had our share of pampering during our
    golden days. This was pointed to me by my mother, when on an un-cool day, I pointed
    out to her that she is spoiling the kids. Her response, “You know what? You
    were just like this as a child. Every child needs pampering. And no one pampers
    your children better than me.” Okies, point taken.
  • They
    can reinforce learning your mother tongue better: My parents definitely wanted
    me to learn to speak Malayalam very well, but my grandmother was the one who
    took it one notch higher. She made sure that I am able to write and read
    Malayalam. Being a Delhi-ite, I was a rare species of my age, who could read,
    write and speak Malayalam. Her point, “You should be able to write a letter to
    me in Malayalam, when you are away.”


(Yup, this is A with my mother. Its a candid shot and my fav pic recently clicked on a vacation. They were discussing his school, I guess.)

They
can truly provide the emotional cushioning which a parent cannot: There is
something about being a grandparent. They are so gooey and full of love…always.

Minuses:
  • No,
    they do not always know better than you: You are closer to your child’s age
    than them. And that helps you to keep track about the way your child operates. This
    one is for mothers: You will always know your child the best, no one else.
  • Sometimes,
    they need to be reminded too: It makes sense to keep expectations clear. It may
    sound harsh but it is better to do so, so that clashes on an everyday basis can
    be avoided. This holds true in cases where your parents or inlaws stay under
    the same roof as you and your family.
  • Sometimes,
    they might not be the best help for your child: It simply means that they are
    just not up for it. They might not really enjoy grand-parenting or they like
    privacy or they might not interested to do the tasks which you may feel is
    beneficial for your child.
  • So,
    how do you strike a balance?
  • Keep
    expectations clear: There are some things you can let go. There are some which
    can be compromised and some which is inexcusable. Let the children and your
    parents know that. Let your child know that you are a family and that families
    do not back bite. It is incorrect to complain and ask the grand-dad or
    grand-mom to change rules.
  • Set
    the hierarchy clear: Yeah, the H word appears here too. The child should know
    when the parent is the boss, and time when the grandparent is holding the baton.
  • No disciplining
    each other in front of kids: All background talks should happen when the kids
    are not around. This is important so that no one loses self respect in front of
    the children.

And
lastly, always remember that years down the line, even you will be a
grandparent. If you try putting yourself in their shoes, things need not look
as complicated as it does. 

It is not that bad, right?

This post has less to do with any topic but more to do with me. I have been away for a long time. (A month, I guess.) The family bug had bitten me very bad, and not in a good way too. Allergies for my younger one, one missed week of school, viral fever for me, exam time coming up for sonny and a few other family commitments took a toll on my blogging and sanity.

Hmmm, not happy…I say.

But nevertheless, I am back.

Sometimes I wonder whether things would have been easier if I was unmarried or without kids. I have friends who are in either of the category, and trust me, I see them having a much less stressed life. For starters, they can atleast come and have a cup of coffee or tea when they come back from a tiring outing, instead of having to attend to two cranky kids, heating up food, or cleaning up the mess in their rooms.

They can have a good night sleep without having to hear a 2.5 year old coughing away to not-so-good glory.  It is excruciatingly painful, not just to the ears but also to the heart.

They don’t have to worry about making a 7 yr old learn 6 chapters of EVS, the whole grammar book, 5 chapters of English, the whole Hindi book, and 7 chapters of Math for the final assessment. Oh ya, and also manage the Spell Bee Contest and the Piano classes.

If they have a hobby, they can pursue it without having to getting bothered about nebulisation, bad moods, I-don’t-want-to-eat days, 2 weeks of being stranded inside the house because the doctor advised against outings, sitting with your elder one with books even when you are PMSing or having a stuffy head and nose.

This is an average bad day for a mother. And then the first thing which suffers is blogging (in my case). Thankfully, reading does not, as I end up taking the books to the loo. (I swear, that’s the best place to read during these kind of days!)

But, like they say, nothing is permanent. Suddenly, things get better. The allergy comes down, my cold becomes manageable, sonny’s studies does not look like a Herculean task (because the entire syllabus has been covered once), husband takes over the Spell Bee part, sonny suddenly starts practicing Piano without having to be pestered.

It is a regular day. Kids off to school, the house is neat, my head is not stuffy anymore, husband is at work and the to-do list looks smaller. My sane head reminds me: It is after all good to have 2 beautiful kids and a darling husband. So what, if the head was throbbing for 3 days, but there were two sets of hands trying to fight around me, trying to apply balm and press my forehead. Moreover, the family magically decided that dal-rice is yummmm and there is no need for fish or chicken, the younger one says ‘thank you, Amma’ at the drop of the hat and the elder one decided to study all by himself.

And see, I blogged too. So, yayyy!