2012 Highlights: Relationships too sometimes come with an expiry date


Being a single child, I have grown up on a steady flow of friends. They fulfilled all that which the lack of siblings did for me. I guess that is why I value friendships like something sacred. I still continue my friendship with a few people who have been with me since my kindergarten days! And there are some who have come into my life just recently but I know I have a past life connection with them.

The year 2012 made me come out of my safe cocoon and move away from a few ‘friends’ (or I thought so). And it was not easy in any way. I was hurt and I bled for many months. It was drastic for me to even consider the chance of friends turning foes in a matter of minutes or days.

I spoke to my close friends hoping to find a closure, but sadly it never happened. The only way I could help myself was…well, by helping MYSELF. I gave myself time, analysed, read books and coincidentally came across apt words at the right moment.

The first stint of a good friend moving away from me started in late 2011, when I lost my father. I found it weird that she refused to ever speak about the feeling of ‘loss’ I was experiencing. It went to an extent that she very insensitively made casual talk when I spoke about my father! I felt cheated and run over. This continued into early 2012, and a few more episodes made me slide away from her slowly but surely.

I really do not intend to write about the other people who too parted ways in their sour way in 2012. The crux is that I was left wondering what the hell happened here? Was I wrong somewhere? Was it a mistake? My mistake…or theirs? I was left questioning friendships in my life.

So let me just write what I understood or rather made myself understand.

What happens?
1. People sometimes do not know how to handle some one else’s grief. Some feel if they move away from the person, the grief won’t affect them. Some feel that if they keep in touch, it is like inviting negative energy…so they move away. And some are just insensitive. Either of these persons in your life are not worth it. Because friends do not behave like this. Period.

2. Priorities change. People move away because either or both feel that the other does not match the plane they are in, anymore. And thus, they want new people in their life. This is good. This way friendships don’t stale and people don’t ‘linger’ in your life. These people may re-enter in your life. It has happened to me, and I was more than happy to have them back. I genuinely felt that they looked upon getting me back in their life. I have not been wrong.

3. People mess up…big time. They mess up for wrong reasons, at the wrong time and wrong place. Wrong reactions, words, expressions…et al. There is no explanation to it.

What do you do?
1. Give yourself time. There is no healer like time. Meanwhile nourish yourself with the other lovely friends you have in your life.

2. Question the other person, speak your heart out and move on.
This does not specifically apply to me. I did not question the friend who hurt me the most in 2012. The reason: I felt she had fallen way below the level of mutual discussion. I did not want to hurt myself more and also, my self respect warned me against speaking to her. I preferred moving on.

3. I came across a rightly timed quote. It goes like this,

“Sometimes people come into our life for a purpose. The purpose is to teach you how to let go. They leave, you learn and then you move on.” 

It is a very simple quote, but quite meaningful. It explains everything in a few words.

Let me finish this post with something I loved reading:

2012 Highlights: F.R.I.E.N.D.S (Post 1)


2012 has been remarkable in many ways for me. And it would be unfair if I don’t mention it on my blog. In the Highlights 2012 series, I will be writing about the biggies 🙂

2012 has been the year of friendships. I took a big leap of kindling new friendships and nurtured it like there was no tomorrow. And I can happily say that I gorged on the sweet results too. Sonny had his share too. Take a look:

The above note was written by Anirudh’s class-buddy and best friend. Actually they are a
 set of 3 boys, and apparently the class teacher has to change their seats regularly because they end up chatting from wherever they are!

And then there was this:

The picture was taken on a holiday trip to Mysore, which we took in December 2012 with my best friend’s family. The looks on their faces are evident of the amount of fun these bachchaas had!

And then there was me. The book Eat, Pray, Love very aptly speaks about the possibility of soul mates being a lot more than just spouses. I cannot help agreeing more. While my husband remains my best friend and first soul mate, 2012 gave me one more best friend and soul mate. (Yeah, I do believe that there can be more than 1 ‘best’ friend…I am challenging English grammar now.) The above pic has 2 of her kids.

This post, in no way, undermines the fact that I have identified a few more friends who mean to me as much as my family. And the year 2013 is going to be a lot about them.

Like the saying goes, You cannot choose your family, but friends are the family you can choose. So, choose…I did. Choose the right people. The people who flatter you, who criticize you, who love you and hate you for the right reasons, who you can call at 2 am and bitch, who you can sms under the blanket just before going to sleep. And don’t forget to add a prayer for them and their family every day. Most importantly, thank your stars every single day for sending a friend like the ones you cherish in your life.

I leave you with one of my favourite quotes from EAT, PRAY, LOVE:

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” 

The ‘Dil Deewana’ girls

Every adult has super embarrassing moment/s from their growing up years. Yup, I have had them too. And today when I think about those times, I want to laugh, grin, duck under the bed and poke myself, all at the same time.

The last time I remembered one of my all time favourite silly moments was while I was in the park two days back. I have known couple of boys from my apartment complex since they were about nine years old. Today they are all at the threshold of entering teenage. They look, talk, play and behave different now.

That particular evening I saw all of them sitting on a swing with iPods and sharing their earphones. And all four of them were singing an English song. (It ofcourse has to be English! There is something about becoming a teenager and suddenly shifting gears from Hindi songs to English ones. It was the same then and…now) The boys shifted their tempos, tried to reached the higher pitch stretching their necks as much as possible and when they were unable to do so, started laughing. They surely were having fun. And looking at them, I couldn’t help smiling and remembering ‘those’ days of mine.

We were a group of 3 girls who always sat together to and fro the school bus journey. It was weird that though we were in the same class, we never sat together in the class. But we sure were ‘bus buddies’. The journey was a good 45 minutes each way. And those days there used to a trend of playing Antakshari to kill time. And we played…EVERY SINGLE DAY! That was also the time when “Maine Pyar Kiya” (The super duper Salman Khan-Bhagyashree movie) had been released, and there never used to be a single day we missed singing atleast one song from that movie. And slowly we realised that the letter ‘d’ would come up every day, and we ended up singing “Dil deewana bin sajana ke maane na” from the movie, each time. I think we three ended up ‘loving’ the song to such an extent that Antakshri was taken over by just singing songs. We would pick up any Hindi song and just sing it. And everyday we would start with our anthem: Dil deewan bin sajana ke maane na!

Imagine, 3 girls with pig-tails and school uniform, singing this song, the whole song, every single day! Gradually everyone started noticing. (But obvious). And we started being called the ‘Dil Deewana’ girls. Now I seriously want to hide. The seniors used to say, “Oh no, they have started again!” But no, that would not stop us. It used to make us give them the “look” and then…sing again.

This went on for a long time. We sang, we got commented upon, we did not care and we sang again. I don’t remember how it got stopped though. I think we got bored eventually. And we also moved apart. We made different friends, and I moved towards the back of the bus. But this memory stood intact within me. There was something about it.

It is all about growing up, I guess. We do stupid things, we laugh, we think it is ‘the’ thing to do and it does not matter what others think about it. But today as an adult, we are scared to do stupid things, we cannot afford to be silly, we can hardly laugh at ourselves, there is no such ‘the’ thing to do…we just carry on our responsibilities and expectations, and if there is anything which matters, it is what others think about us. No wonder, life was much easier when we were young.

But these small, silly and seemingly insignificant memories still bring a smile to our face. And I ask myself, was it really that insignificant?