Subha Manoj

While I Was Away

Subha Manoj

The Butterfly Heart

When I visit Kerala, while I love the shopping spree, people and nature, the one thing I am not a huge fan of is the involvement of the number of people with what I want to do. Example, the other day I was walking with my husband within the boundary walls of his huge house in Kerala. What I wanted to do was wear my pair of walking shoes and go for a long walk with music playing in my ears. And then the other time when I wished to window shop. The task of having to involve M or his family so that I could make my way through the traffic infested roads was so putting off. I wished to get away again.

Is this the need for independence? I would say No.

How do I explain?

Well, It’s like having a butterfly heart. Light…Fluffy… Wanting to flutter… Fly… you know what I mean. Just being able to do those little nothings when you want.

About 12 years back one of my dad’s colleagues and a very good friend got married. He brought home a very sweet, yet a lady with a spunk. She and I hit it off immediately. She was new to Delhi. And being a Mallu born and brought in Kerala, had a Hindi accent which used to make me giggle every time she spoke. We expected a demure young girl in her early 20s who had left her home for the first time and come to the Hindi-land to duck and wait for her husband to do everything for her.

But oh dear lord…. we were in for a surprise! She went the very next day for grocery shopping all by herself, and in her words, made a complete fool of herself. But came back home with a hell lot of grocery and veggies. In a matter of few days, she had more friends than my mother who had lived there for many years. Language was not a barrier. Nothing was.

She taught me something:

In order to make the world your friend, sometimes… sometimes go ahead and shock them!

I learnt another thing:

There is a certain beauty in being able to have those little moments to yourself. It helps you grow immensely.

Wherever I go, how much ever I go to an exotic place, no matter how much I enjoy, I always want to come back home. Someone truly said, Home is where heart is. This is where my heart and soul gets its nourishment.

Recently I saw a video. It was about connecting with nature and yourself. I will try to put it in my own words. It goes something like:

Beneath that kohl rimmed eyes, the branded clothes, the high heels, the shampooed hair and the dash of Nina Ricci perfume…Before I deck myself to meet the world, meet deadlines and give a peck on my friends’ cheeks…. I am just Nature. I am just mud … air and water. I am just Me.

To remain myself, I need a little more of those moments.

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